Our Spiritual Self is perhaps one of the most sacred and precious pieces of our personal identity. Yet, so many of us have had the ideas, concepts, and beliefs of our families of origin impressed upon us without much room for questioning or critical thinking. And if one dares to question the ideology, they are often met with severe shame and chastisement. I have met so many folks who are beginning to untangle what they truly believe and how that differs from the way they were raised. And some of these folks, such as myself, have learned that a crucial piece of their identity is being a part of the queer community, something that isn’t often affirmed in extreme religious households.
So, where does that leave a truth seeker who deeply cares about being a better human, growing and developing, honoring their sexual or gender orientation and still wants to maintain some kind of relationship with family. I can certainly attest to how difficult it can be to connect with loved ones when you have diametrically opposed viewpoints on what’s “right” and what is morally sacrosanct.
This week I chat with Kara Barr, the “Unshakable Queer Coach” who specifically works with ex-evangelicals looking to own their coming out story. She helps individuals maintain their own sacred identity and spirituality while learning how to engage with families finding fault with those decisions. We talk about our own experiences as queer women leaving family faith traditions, the messages women receive about taking care of everyone else’s emotions, and where trauma ends up in the mix. It is my sincere hope that our stories can be inspiration for those looking to truly honor their own spiritual path.
This pod explores:
- What “deconstruction” actually means and how to allow yourself to question deep-seated religious concepts (Hint: it’s super fucking brave)
- Reckoning with the binary concept of our actions being either sinful or not sinful and how to determine your own moral code
- Kara’s personal story with leaving the faith she was raised in and how she was able to “come out” as both an ex-evangelical and a bi-sexual woman
- Understanding the intersections between religious dogma, queerness, and feeling unworthy or “not enough” (Spoiler: they’re often massively entangled)
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THIS WEEK’S ‘DIAL AN EXPERT ‘ GUESTIE
Kara Barr (she/her) is the Unshakable Queer Coach – a certified life coach for queer, ex-evangelicals who want better relationships with fundamentalist family members.
After leaving her family’s faith traditions and coming out as queer, she struggled to navigate her relationship with her parents. But through coaching, she found the tools to confidently show up as her full self and to create the type of relationship she wanted to have with her family. Now, she helps her clients do the same.
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