[AMY SAYS] EP#450 – When *NOT* to Speak Up + When Grace + Kindness Don’t Work

Jul 3, 2022

If you’ve hung around these parts for a while, you’ll know that one of the cornerstones of my philosophy is that you can deliver damn-near any sort of information (no matter how difficult) to another person as long as you handle yourself with grace and kindness. I talk much about speaking up for yourself, saying “no”, establishing boundaries and kicking people-pleasing to the curb.

But, are there ever any instances when people-pleasing may actually save your ass? Yes, actually there are. Believe it or not, there are a handful of instances when speaking up for yourself is actually not the best tactic. Whaaaaa!? I know. It seems like that couldn’t possibly be the case, but just like all things in personal development, there are often no absolutes.

And what about those instances when grace and kindness don’t work? What if you’ve been boundary-ing your ass off to no avail? What if you reeeeeally want to just lose your shit on someone? Like, really just let them have it. Perhaps your ex… Maybe a dead-beat parent… Is there ever a time when speaking from anger is justified? Or the best choice even? One listener wrote to the show with this exact quandary so in this episode I share tips on *not* speaking up for yourself, kicking politeness to the curb, and what to do when grace and kindness just don’t work. 

This pod explores:

  • How to know if you’ve really given “grace + kindness” the good college try
  • The number one priority you need to evaluate when deciding if you should speak up or not
  • The three scenarios you likely want to avoid where speaking up may get you in deep shit 
  • My personal story of dealing with a family member who outright ignored my boundary… and what I did about it




I have three battle-tested (and badass) keynote speeches that are ready to be delivered to your company, organization, group, or association. If you or anyone you know could benefit from me droppin’ some gems (um, like, who couldn’t use some new tools?) please send them to THIS FANCY INFO PAGE on my site where you/they can message me directly about specific needs.



This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and The Bold-Faced Truth Podcast listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/boldtruth or simply enter code boldtruth at checkout. Hello!!

Join the millions of people who have found huge relief and support from BetterHelp therapists and save on your first month while you’re at it! Check it out ~>




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I'm a sassy-ass life coach and hypnotherapist who specializes in all things self-worth and confidence. I help aspiring badasses (hint: that's YOU!) speak up for themselves without being assholes. As in... telling your mom to stop butting into your relationship. You feel me, no?

It's time to let go of all that people-pleasing and cultivate some serious "enoughness". You're home, love. You're home.


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